Who get's more sex, the dominant husband, or the submissive husband?

Posted: 12/10/2010 |Comments: 0 | Views: 790 |

 In today's society, there appears to be two highly flawed approaches to being a man and husband.

 First there is the overly dominant husband that controls his wife with intimidation.

 There was a time when the husband was expected to be in charge. The man was the recognized head of the house hold and all family members, including his wife, were expected to obey him. While it is right and good for a man to provide leadership for his family, many men take this idea to an extreme. They rule with an iron fist and if their wife objects, they simply over power her. Clearly, this approach to leadership is wrong. It is hard to respect a man who does not respect anyone else.

 At the opposite end of the spectrum is the submissive husband that allows his wife to walk all over him.

 These men are not providing leadership for their family. Perhaps these men are intimidated by their wives. Perhaps they have decided that they would rather be nice than be assertive. For whatever reason, they have handed the leadership role to their wife. Women are much stronger today, and as a result, they can be just as abusive as men. It is hard to respect a man who never sticks up for himself.

 The dominant man seems to have the ability to attract women; they are drawn to his masculinity and confidence. However, these types of men also have a hard time maintaining a healthy marriage relationship. The very masculine traits that his wife found attractive early on can become a source of resentment and fear. She no longer feels safe to express herself sexually or emotionally with this man.

 With the submissive husband, a woman may be drawn to his less masculine traits; he may make a good father, provider, and fulfill her emotional needs. However, he does not excite her sexually. He does not provide the strong masculine presence that she wants in her life, and thus she can love him, but not want to share her body with him.

Both types of husbands will eventually find themselves in a battle for an intimate, sexual marriage. They are often reduced to playing manipulative games to achieve sex or intimacy with their partner.

For the dominating husband, manipulation often takes the form of bargaining, arguing, or withholding of marital responsibilities. For the submissive husband it often manifests itself as pouting, whining, or withdrawing emotionally. Some men toggle back and forth between the two extremes.

All of these behaviors are counter productive, and will eventually push their wife away from them. A woman will come to resent either of these husbands, and this resentment can cause her to switch off emotionally and sexually.

So, the question remains; who gets more sex, the dominant husband, or the submissive husband?

 The answer is neither. The husband that gets the most sex is a man that expresses strong masculinity and confidence, while also demonstrating compassion and understanding of his wife's needs. This man not only gets more sex, he gets high quality passionate sex.

 I know that it is easy to state this in theory, but can it work in your marriage? Can you gain the confidence to be strongly masculine? Can you develop the compassion to be an emotional comforter for your wife? What if you are with a woman that argues, criticizes, complains, puts you down, and seemingly does not appreciate or recognize any good that you do for her? Can that kind of woman be won over?

 We have asked ourselves these same questions. Rick was the overly dominant husband for years. He did not realize that it was his own intimidating actions that were causing his wife to shut down. When she finally stood up to his behavior, she threatened to end the marriage; this threat turned Rick into a submissive wimp of a man. He not only lost his own respect, but also that of his wife. Clearly, his behavior was not inspiring the intimate, sexual relationship that he and his wife wanted and deserved. Neither one of them knew how to turn this around.

In contrast, Louie was the submissive husband who allowed his wife to walk all over him. He was stuck in a nice guy routine. When his wife treated him badly, he did what he thought would make her happy again, not what he thought was right. This was not at all attractive to his wife. She found him comfortable to live with, and have a family with, but was she was not interested in being sexual with him. Neither one of them knew how to turn this around.

 Both Rick and Louie had to learn to change themselves. They had to learn to be true leaders, overcome their fears, and be strong masculine men that would no longer accept undesirable behavior from themselves or their wives. They had to become men who could lead their wives to a happier and more sexual relationship. It was not an easy task.

Like us, many other men have achieved this turnaround in our marriages. If you would like to accomplish this transformation in your marriage, please visit our web site.

 www.savemysexlessmarriage.com

Co-Authored by:

Richard Jungst

Louie Black

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